Here I was locked down in Portugal in the summer of 2020, we had just come out of the state of emergency, stepping out into a different world when Chloe and my paths met. Chloe could instantly see the work I needed to do when I spoke of my bicycle accident. Later that day while picking tilia leaves a strong wind brought me to tears, they were the tears of the trauma associated with the bicycle accident that I had been holding back. I took this as a confirmation I was ready to do this work on myself with the help of Chloe
I was invited to stay in Kalayana Forest and Chloe explained she wanted me just to focus on receiving during my stay on this magical land. I arrived greeted with warmth and kindness and was given a lay of the land of which it was vast, wild and beautiful. I was taken back at the beauty of the yoga deck with the most amazing view, the pond for swimming and the labyrinth it was truly magical all created with love and intention by Chloe and her partner. I was given a beautiful Belle tent to sleep in with so many considerate touches. I felt so welcome and safe to be doing this deep work on the land with Chloe holding space for me.
I began to understand what she meant by inviting me to receive, she explained how deep the work of releasing trauma is and how important it is to be with myself, to listen within and connect with the land. Each meal was provided for me and there was the invitation to be with myself during meal times or join the others. I did a little of both. The meals were truly delicious and nutritious and they catered for my vegan lifestyle.
During the introduction to the process, we looked at my internal and external resources, which I felt was so important to do, you connect to what I can use once I leave the land. Chloe was very clear and concise about what the process of Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing (EMDR) involved. She explained her company name ‘Wisdom Drops’ sharing that through this therapeutic process we get drops of wisdom that transform ourselves. I don’t think I could of truly of understood what that meant until our first session. Connecting into my positive affirmations for how I wanted to feel when my trauma happened opposed to how I actually felt, this informed by intention for my healing journey. EMDR therapy didn’t require the upheaval of explanations and emotions but rather a journey, as an observer of my psyche from the moment of my trauma until the present day. It was interesting as I observed my lived experience, emotions did arise and were felt but I was able to continue to process. Another revelation was that some past traumas that I didn’t specifically come to work on came up for healing during the session.
After the therapy sessions I did feel quite tired but I was blessed with the space, time and the land to restore myself each day. I was even given the permission to opt out of a planned session as I felt I needed more integration time from the last session. It was definitely person centred to my needs. After the sessions, I would like watching the horizon at the yoga deck, go for a swim or simply walk the land just to be with myself whilst being held by the land. EMDR is offered in a clinical setting but being able to do it in this setting was so perfect, nurturing and beautiful. I am so grateful.
The wisdom drops I received through my sessions, was exactly what I needed to receive for my healing. My positive affirmation was ‘I am held’ and still to this day, it brings me great comfort and especially when I feel I am feeling nervous on my bicycle. I told Chloe I couldn’t tell if the wisdom drops were from spirit or my own psyche. Chloe just calmly said “what does it matter” this was true enough it was what I needed to hear. Chloe held me in through my healing process and she is an absolute joy to be in the presence of. Words cannot describe the gratitude I feel to Chloe and the land for helping me release this trauma and bring profound healing into my life. I am still so grateful and tell others of the amazing experience I had with her. Life is too beautiful for it to be tainted by our past trauma that we have the power to release and heal and breathe fresh air again.
Lorraine Montague- 6th Oct 2021
I wanted to share this art piece I did after finishing EMDR therapy. I walked the labyrinth that Chloe created before I left. As I walked, I had this visualisation. In this painting there is an embodied nude woman grounded and rooted in the earth. The petals falling to the earth represent letting go of the parts of ourselves that no longer serve us, falling to the ground and returning back to the earth. Letting these parts of ourselves go allows for the new blossom to be formed, our new self has come to blossom. I had to consciously let go of my old self to welcome in my new self and this painting helped in this process of it and each time I see it, it is a reminder.